Bodily Autonomy
Over the last couple of months, my 2 year old has become very interested in human bodies. This has coincided with her toilet learning journey as well. Recently, at a crowded airport she loudly told her father while he was changing her, “Appa, don’t touch my vulva.”
Here’s what we’ve done right from the early days to reinforce concepts of bodily autonomy:
While changing her, gently and calmly explain what we’re doing and why.
Acknowledging uncomfortable moments- “I know you don’t like me detangling your hair but I need to do it. I will be quick and gentle I promise.”
Naming all parts of the body in anatomically correct ways. Now as she’s older and has questions, we just respond in a matter of fact way- “yes that’s my penis. No, you don’t have one.”
Reinforcing concepts of safety and privacy- she knows that only 3 caregivers are allowed to bathe or change her.
Not reacting when she is curiously exploring her body. Nothing is dirty or shameful.
Respecting when she says “don’t hug/kiss/touch me.” She went through this phase a lot
Explaining consent in a simple way- “Before hugging your friend, ask him if you can.”
Reassuring her that she doesn’t need to physically touch anyone she doesn’t want to. I ask her- “would you like to give Aunty a hug goodbye?” She’s usually happy to but if not, I say “no? that’s okay” and step in and hug on her behalf.
Dressing her in comfortable clothing that is weather appropriate, promotes freedom of movement, and is often gender neutral. No jewellery.
Not piercing her ears or shaving her hair according to our traditions. I have trimmed her hair once because it was getting difficult to manage, but I generally keep any grooming minimal.
Being aware of my language and actions related to my body. Using positive language about food, not vilifying any food groups.
Modelling taking care of my body, exercising and eating well.
Many of these are quite personal and depend on individual values and traditions so this is definitely not a judgement of those who do things differently! It’s just me learning and unlearning and sharing as I go along. As always, I hope it’s helpful!
